dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
