So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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