So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Randomize
