What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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