I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
