I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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