i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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