I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
