why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
