i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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