oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
