well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Randomize