Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
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