I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
