i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
