I am puke
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
