Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
