i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
