it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
