I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
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It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
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Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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