Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
