nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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