Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
