i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
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You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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