oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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