First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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