I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
