Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
