I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
