Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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