I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
