I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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