Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
