Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
