we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out