i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.