She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.