after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
