ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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