at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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