Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
