it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
