All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
