Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
