Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
