I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
