Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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