i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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