I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
