looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
