You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
