that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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