He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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