Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
