sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
