6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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