I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
