38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
should my penis look like a turkey
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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