Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
