oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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