drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
