I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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