The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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