So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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