I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
