I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
