Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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