I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
