Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
