The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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