I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
