remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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