I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize