he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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