So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
