Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
