her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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