Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
